Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Never the right words

I wish I were eloquent. I am not. I fumble for words. I try to express myself, only to feel like I have come off like a fool. But that doesn't mean I don't have a need to communicate my feelings. I am hurt. I am ruined emotionally. For years I have struggled to allow God's grace to be my strength, but I don't think I do. I do not understand why the depression I have resists treatment. Is it my fault? Am I doing something wrong? Why can't I stay in a place that I feel safe to be myself? And why does that sound so ridiculous? Where are the words to explain what I feel? Guess that's why I go to Scripture. It's not a head trip for me. It is the only thing that is constant in my life. Even when God doesn't seem real, His Word IS. And though I want answers to my problems right here, right now & I want a solution to make me normal, I know that everything, every answer is there.

Thus says the Lord:
“The people who survived the sword
found grace in the wilderness;
when Israel sought for rest,
the Lord appeared to him from far away.
I have loved you with an everlasting love;
therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.
Jeremiah 31:2-3